It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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