Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
