Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
