I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
