it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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