my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
