Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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