I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
