Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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