Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
