I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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