the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
