Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
