Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
