I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
