Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
