just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You have to summon your inner elephant
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
