He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
