I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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