you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She bit a glass in half.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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