So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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