Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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