Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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