i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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