she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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