My first STD was from a foam party
grandma shit on top of the toilet
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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