Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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