R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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