remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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