WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
