so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just want nice things and good sex
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
