I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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