I didn't shave. On purpose
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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