Is it because I queefed?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
