In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
