her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
it's like heaven, but drunker
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
