So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
