Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
