I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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