just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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