I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
