apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
