Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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