I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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