I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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