So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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