My nipple is on Facebook.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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