are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
