how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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