Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
