The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
