I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
