The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
