I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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