Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
