I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
