Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
