I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
